Not my Intention

How long I've been in UK ?
2-3 weeks, nearly. And I'm still not use to it.

Not use to what ? I couldn't blend in.
Maybe I'm still under culture shock, or maybe a little home sick still. I don't know , I just don't feel as comfortable as I wanted to.

Elicia seems to have a great time, she's starting to have more friends coming in her way, and joining different people, seems like I'm no longer needed to be in her life anymore. Where did the "take-care-of-each-other" idea go now ? It's like "you-have-your-life-and-I-have-mine" now. She always ask me to join people la, go la, talk to them la, make friends la.

HELLO ?! Like I wasnt trying ?? I Am trying ! I didnt know it would be that hard for me. I'm bloody quiet and I'm not talkative in anyways, what more can you expect from me? I'm trying to be more social able, I'm really trying. But each time when I get into a stupid conversation with someone new, I'll be like "shut-my-mind-to-avoid-saying-something-offensive" , that's why I'd rather stay quiet and dont talk at all.

Everytime when Im trying to get along and join the conversation, you guys ignored me. Okay you asked me to join, fine, I asked Can I join? You'll be like " uhm... its kinda like an old friend gathering thingy, I dont want you to be bored~ and so on" , that's what I get from you.

Seriously ? This is how you treat me? This is how you treat a friend?
I dont know why are you/ your parents are  worrying you in this new life, you have so many friends with you, they come to you without you even approaching much to them. Im not like you, I dont have any friends with me but you. I have nobody with me Elicia. Nobody. What else could I do? Who else more could I hang out with ?

I always tell myself, my friends and family are still with me, in heart, Jack is still with me. I don't need to be afraid about anything, I dont need to worry. Im literally comforting myself with my own words.

Oh and Jack, this relationship is for real. I'm not playing anymore online games/relationships, I only want a quiet and stable relationship with him. Yes I know he's still hiding himself from me, but at the same time, he's proving himself to me that his love for me is real. And I believed him.

Just give us some time, I'll show you, we aren't playing about this relationship. I really wish, everything in between us will be real. He's one of the reasons that keeps me moving on each day, Im staying strong and keeping my head together, because I want to meet him one day. Dont know how long I have to wait, but I want to , and I will.

Lastly,  there's nothing I missed more than my family, my dad, my mom, my brothers, my dogs. I really missed them so damn much... ♥ Hope everything back in M'sia is fine? I'm fine here too dont worry, I'll keep smiling and look up , keep moving forward .