Only him

Jack and I broke up.

Right after our 1 year anniversary , well actually its a few days after our 1 year anniversary.

Reason?

I gave up.

Yes I choose to give up hope.

I know I've only waited a year, it's not really that long.

But a year dating someone across the world online, never talked more than an hour, never see each other's face on webcams before, so...

What else are we exactly ? 

What kind of relationship are we?

I was madly in love with him.

I think about him almost every second of the day.

I hope day by day, that he will come find me one day.

Vanish.

Everything vanish.

Do I still trust him? 

No... I dont think I do anymore, I bet I've already lose hope since a long time ago.

Im not convincing enough to make people around me believe that his love for me is real.

You know what?

I felt like a fool.

For believing there's hope.

I already knew he was nothing like how he said he was.

And I take it.

It never was a bother to me if its just the two of us.

But it will be a bother if its in between him and my friends and family.

Things wont be easy, people will see me differently.

Maybe they'll think Im a freak.

Maybe they'll think Im disgusting.

Maybe they'll think I was a liar all along.

So what?

Like I care.

But this is not about all the judgement I will face.

It's about the trust in between me and him.

He failed me not once, not twice, but several times. Until no more trust pieces left for him to break anymore.

so you tell me, how else can I trust him some more?

"I'll come find you"

Well, according to someone, he is in the same country as I am now.

But he didnt look for me, nor contact me, not even telling me all that by himself.

One more promise, broke.

I dont know what other words I can think of anymore, other than "disappointment" from you.

What about our Love?

I can tell you those arent made-up, those were real.

In fact, too real.

Too real until it scares me.

I know you loved me for real. You loved everything of me, the good and the bad. 

That's because I showed you everything.

What about you?

Did you show me everything ? 

I still feel cheated. Because you didnt give me a chance to decide whether to leave you or still be with you after I force you to tell me about yourself.

Thanks for that.