My last post was on the April, and now its already July. I've missed months to update this thing.
So I guess I could do a little update now.
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Well my recent status would be : Waiting for the time to fly to UK.
I've paid what I need to pay, submit what I need to submit, booked what I need to book. I got my Visa too xD So far so good I guess.
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Lately, amazing things happened to me. ( I could say, maybe)
About ?
I think Im inLove.
I dont know how he did it but he really pushed me to my limits and I just cant take it anymore. He made me confessed everything.
2 months ago, I was still busying with my business, online every night and most of all, my favorite social network site : IMVU.
As usual, I like to come online with Zen's account. Just usual chatting, meeting people, visiting old friends. Until one time, I bumped into this Room, and I met him. He was chatting with his friend I guess, I was rather quiet for the first few minutes, but then his friend went to bed, so I thought I should leave the room too, but instead I choose to stay and have a little chat with him.
Im glad, I stayed.
That day onwards, we continue keeping contact with each other, chatting if we're both online, sending messages if we cant meet up online. It was just something we have to do each day, to know each other's happenings, it became a habit to both of us. We started to fall for each other (male to male) , I felt it, and I think he felt it too, but the thing is he never really proposed to move into another step, probably I thought it was his ex that he hasnt get over yet (at that time). So I took a bet, and tried to ask him : I cant imagine if we're dating. He giggled and replied : Wanna try ? . I try to act dumb and pretend I dont understand his point, he continued : We could try to date .
Try to date. That's what he said.
So we dated, at first things was going well, as usual like my previous relationships on here, not moving too fast, or getting too real. I kinda like that feeling. He knows what I want, he just gets me easily without me telling him anything. By the way, I couldnt imagine two Tops can date (he's a top too, like Zen) , this time, Im the bottom, sorta. He isnt like the other guys I've met in here, most of them in here I met at least more than half of them will get into dirty talks and starts to flirt around trying to get you dirty minded. But this guy, he's just different. He took care of me (Zen) , comforting me, I felt loved. I mean seriously, I really felt his love.
He bought a phone just to come online to chat with me when he's at work. He's (22) a bartender, working all night till morning. I said I want to stay until he get off work, but he force me to go to bed, he knew I was sleepy. I just cant resist him, so I'll listen to what he said. next morning, we woke up more or less the same time, maybe 10 minutes early or later than each other (His time is 2 hours ahead of mine) . So we still can have a short chat in the morning.
Im starting to really fall for him, Im not joking, I know myself, Im a very secretive person, if Im in the game (IMVU) , I wont pull myself too far away, I have my distance and my rules to keep. I wont go any further that'll involve into real life and virtual happenings. But one day, just that one day, I missed his birthday so I asked him what he wants I will gift him as a late birthday gift, he said he already have what he wants, that's having me ( Awh ♥) but I ask him to pick again, that doesnt count, so he said :
"Just for you to always be who you really are."
Tears just came running down my cheek once I read what he said. Now I really felt the fact about " Loving someone so much that'll make you cry" . I couldnt take the fact that Im actually lying to him about myself. It just frustrating each time we talk I felt guilty because I lied to him about myself. Lying about :
Im a girl. Zen doesnt exist.
My walls broke down, so I took up my guts and tells him the truth.
Zen: Do you trust me?
Him: I do.
Zen: You couldnt trust me.
Him: Why not ?
Zen: Im a liar. I always make up stories to create topics.
Him: I know. I do that too sometimes, but it doesnt bother me.
Zen: You dont understand ...I felt guilty and pressure all this while with you, I cant stand myself lying to you anymore, I really gotta stop this going on.
Him: Dont stop, No.
Zen: I gotta stop thinking too much...
Him: Look at me. Do you trust me ?
Zen: Of course I trust you.
Him: Then tell me what's wrong. I love you and you know that.
Zen: Im a girl , Im not a guy.
Him: That's it ? So my thoughts were true?
Zen: What ...? You knew ?
Him: Zen, come on, a girl always has their signs, I did suspected, but I believe one day you will tell me yourself, and you did :)
Zen: Awh ...
Him: I dont care if you're a girl or a guy, I just love you, only you.
** Well the conversation isnt really how it goes above, but the point is there.
That moment, the rock on my chest just falls off and I feel all relieved. I finally told him the truth. He didnt blame me, never did, instead he said he love me even more now. Which made me think Im really falling for this guy.
He told me he'll be visiting different places soon (Currently still living in Australia) for the job offers, UK is one of the place he'll go. He know Im going to UK this September. I never said anything about one day we'll ever meet up, but he just mentioned to me he'll drop by to meet me face to face when he got there. I dont know wather if he's just saying or trying to make me happy, but if its just a lie, Im still happy about it ♥ I wont get too excited and put too much hope. After all its something that MIGHT happen in a few months time. I'll still play my part. I wont push him nor myself to go further. Cause I always tell him : We've plenty of time in future, what's the rush?
But I wish it'll happen.
So I could continue a Love Story that I've always dream of, happening on my 21st ♥
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