How long I've been in UK ?
2-3 weeks, nearly. And I'm still not use to it.
Not use to what ? I couldn't blend in.
Maybe I'm still under culture shock, or maybe a little home sick still. I don't know , I just don't feel as comfortable as I wanted to.
Elicia seems to have a great time, she's starting to have more friends coming in her way, and joining different people, seems like I'm no longer needed to be in her life anymore. Where did the "take-care-of-each-other" idea go now ? It's like "you-have-your-life-and-I-have-mine" now. She always ask me to join people la, go la, talk to them la, make friends la.
HELLO ?! Like I wasnt trying ?? I Am trying ! I didnt know it would be that hard for me. I'm bloody quiet and I'm not talkative in anyways, what more can you expect from me? I'm trying to be more social able, I'm really trying. But each time when I get into a stupid conversation with someone new, I'll be like "shut-my-mind-to-avoid-saying-something-offensive" , that's why I'd rather stay quiet and dont talk at all.
Everytime when Im trying to get along and join the conversation, you guys ignored me. Okay you asked me to join, fine, I asked Can I join? You'll be like " uhm... its kinda like an old friend gathering thingy, I dont want you to be bored~ and so on" , that's what I get from you.
Seriously ? This is how you treat me? This is how you treat a friend?
I dont know why are you/ your parents are worrying you in this new life, you have so many friends with you, they come to you without you even approaching much to them. Im not like you, I dont have any friends with me but you. I have nobody with me Elicia. Nobody. What else could I do? Who else more could I hang out with ?
I always tell myself, my friends and family are still with me, in heart, Jack is still with me. I don't need to be afraid about anything, I dont need to worry. Im literally comforting myself with my own words.
Oh and Jack, this relationship is for real. I'm not playing anymore online games/relationships, I only want a quiet and stable relationship with him. Yes I know he's still hiding himself from me, but at the same time, he's proving himself to me that his love for me is real. And I believed him.
Just give us some time, I'll show you, we aren't playing about this relationship. I really wish, everything in between us will be real. He's one of the reasons that keeps me moving on each day, Im staying strong and keeping my head together, because I want to meet him one day. Dont know how long I have to wait, but I want to , and I will.
Lastly, there's nothing I missed more than my family, my dad, my mom, my brothers, my dogs. I really missed them so damn much... ♥ Hope everything back in M'sia is fine? I'm fine here too dont worry, I'll keep smiling and look up , keep moving forward .
Wednesday 25 September 2013
Happenings + Third page of Love
Well, this morning I woke up and the flat was like, NO WATER ! @_@
And luckily it's Saturday and everyone gets to stay home for a while and chill , do what's need to be done, but some of my building mates' rooms got flood, funny huh? I don't know how it'll be flooded.
So I just took breakfast in my room, watch a few chapters of show, and yeah, maybe I'll go get a phone or something. Tonight I'm going to Frenchay for the Freshers Closing Party :D With my Roommates x)
Well this is the first time I approach to them , I can do anything if I make my first move.
And honestly, all my friends and family can see that my confident level shouldn't be as low as how I rated myself to be, I know I can be better, I know I AM better. I just need to boots up my confident level and talk to people, just like the video said : No one is going to laugh at you, just chill and be yourself.
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He kinda brought up the topic and talked to me about us the other day.
He asked me if I thought that he was holding back on me.
Am I? Yeap, honestly I am.
Why will I think it that way ? he asked.
I said , Maybe I'm not worth knowing everything about you.
He sighed and said , Of course not , the reason he's holding back it's because he felt like Im holding back on him too.
.................What the hell... it's a joke right? LOL
But knowing that I deserve to know more about him ,makes me relief . Makes me felt like I can be part of his life. He has a great mom I know, his mom meant everything to him, and that's basically what I love about him too, loving family :)
We talked for a bit about how and why we both are holding back on each other , it was pretty funny to know the reasons, but we sort it out, kinda. I know he's revealing more about himself to me, I know he's trying to share part of what he's experiencing to me each time. I know, sometimes I don't say it out but I can feel, and I know.
Girls are always sensitive and always thinking a lot, that's why I prefer to hang out/ be a guy always, that way I could cut down unwanted girl dramas, lol , My point is:
I have plenty of time to wait for you to tell me everything you wanted me to know about you. I promise I'll be a good girl, I won't ask questions you don't wish to answer, I won't act like a baby demanding more from you each time, I will do anything just to keep the smile on your face :) My dear Jack ♥
And luckily it's Saturday and everyone gets to stay home for a while and chill , do what's need to be done, but some of my building mates' rooms got flood, funny huh? I don't know how it'll be flooded.
So I just took breakfast in my room, watch a few chapters of show, and yeah, maybe I'll go get a phone or something. Tonight I'm going to Frenchay for the Freshers Closing Party :D With my Roommates x)
Well this is the first time I approach to them , I can do anything if I make my first move.
And honestly, all my friends and family can see that my confident level shouldn't be as low as how I rated myself to be, I know I can be better, I know I AM better. I just need to boots up my confident level and talk to people, just like the video said : No one is going to laugh at you, just chill and be yourself.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He kinda brought up the topic and talked to me about us the other day.
He asked me if I thought that he was holding back on me.
Am I? Yeap, honestly I am.
Why will I think it that way ? he asked.
I said , Maybe I'm not worth knowing everything about you.
He sighed and said , Of course not , the reason he's holding back it's because he felt like Im holding back on him too.
.................What the hell... it's a joke right? LOL
But knowing that I deserve to know more about him ,makes me relief . Makes me felt like I can be part of his life. He has a great mom I know, his mom meant everything to him, and that's basically what I love about him too, loving family :)
We talked for a bit about how and why we both are holding back on each other , it was pretty funny to know the reasons, but we sort it out, kinda. I know he's revealing more about himself to me, I know he's trying to share part of what he's experiencing to me each time. I know, sometimes I don't say it out but I can feel, and I know.
Girls are always sensitive and always thinking a lot, that's why I prefer to hang out/ be a guy always, that way I could cut down unwanted girl dramas, lol , My point is:
I have plenty of time to wait for you to tell me everything you wanted me to know about you. I promise I'll be a good girl, I won't ask questions you don't wish to answer, I won't act like a baby demanding more from you each time, I will do anything just to keep the smile on your face :) My dear Jack ♥
Monday 16 September 2013
Home Sick
Damn... after one week only I felt homesick, it sucks man...... can't stop crying and I miss my family so much ~~~~~~~~ I think something happened in the campus just now, I might have said something offensive to Elicia but without myself noticing it until her attitude totally changed on me.
I was like, Fuck......what did I do/said..........and then I started to panic, I mean really , I'm nervous and I felt so helpless asking myself "Did I say something ?? what did I said ?? what did I do??" I know I came out late when the bus arrived, but at least I still ran out on time . Oh my gosh Elicia, I'm so sorry if I ever said anything offensive to you just now, my brain was half functioning and I didn't really filter what came out from my mouth, I really didn't mean it ~~~
Is it because I said wasted 2 hours to listen to the stupid International Briefing ? I think... it is , isn't it ? I was actually kinda pissed and nervous because I haven't registered myself yet, I'm afraid that I can't make it on time or something, that's why I was like blaming the long talk, I was only blaming for the long talk, no other reasons, and hell the orientation time for different courses kinda messed up the schedule , I thought we all starts at 10am, but ended up we have to follow the personal registration time, which also meant the course orientation.
Haiz..........I caught a fever 2 days ago, but I'm fully recovered now I think , well sometimes still feel slight headache, but I guess it'll wear off sooner or later by tomorrow.
And tomorrow we have to go to the campus again...... mine is having a workshop, sorta, I don't know about Elicia's, probably the same? We both have to be there before 10am, so decided to take the 9am bus.
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After crying out loud, I feel much better I think :) And I looked at the bookmarks Phyl wrote to me, kept reminding myself "It's just homesick, I'll be okay" and plus because of today's orientation, I didn't have to chance to Skype my parents, I was like, OMG everyday I can skype with them but today I missed, suddenly miss them so much ;;>.<;; , so I took pictures , and post it to out family facebook page, hopefully they can still know I'm doing okay over here. :)
** I love you Dii, Mii, and of course my two lovely brothers too xD and I missed you guys alot !
I was like, Fuck......what did I do/said..........and then I started to panic, I mean really , I'm nervous and I felt so helpless asking myself "Did I say something ?? what did I said ?? what did I do??" I know I came out late when the bus arrived, but at least I still ran out on time . Oh my gosh Elicia, I'm so sorry if I ever said anything offensive to you just now, my brain was half functioning and I didn't really filter what came out from my mouth, I really didn't mean it ~~~
Is it because I said wasted 2 hours to listen to the stupid International Briefing ? I think... it is , isn't it ? I was actually kinda pissed and nervous because I haven't registered myself yet, I'm afraid that I can't make it on time or something, that's why I was like blaming the long talk, I was only blaming for the long talk, no other reasons, and hell the orientation time for different courses kinda messed up the schedule , I thought we all starts at 10am, but ended up we have to follow the personal registration time, which also meant the course orientation.
Haiz..........I caught a fever 2 days ago, but I'm fully recovered now I think , well sometimes still feel slight headache, but I guess it'll wear off sooner or later by tomorrow.
And tomorrow we have to go to the campus again...... mine is having a workshop, sorta, I don't know about Elicia's, probably the same? We both have to be there before 10am, so decided to take the 9am bus.
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After crying out loud, I feel much better I think :) And I looked at the bookmarks Phyl wrote to me, kept reminding myself "It's just homesick, I'll be okay" and plus because of today's orientation, I didn't have to chance to Skype my parents, I was like, OMG everyday I can skype with them but today I missed, suddenly miss them so much ;;>.<;; , so I took pictures , and post it to out family facebook page, hopefully they can still know I'm doing okay over here. :)
** I love you Dii, Mii, and of course my two lovely brothers too xD and I missed you guys alot !
Friday 13 September 2013
Happenings + Second page of Love
There we go again, blog update time. This time, a little different.
This time, I'm in United Kingdom (UK) :)
Pursuing my next level of education, taking up the next level of challenge in life . I couldn't be more blessed and grateful to be actually sitting right here in my hostel room, blogging like this.
We're talking about UK, the currency rate is like, 5.2%. We all know, how much that cost us, and I'm hell lucky to have this chance, to be here right now.
So, everything over here is fine so far, its just the 3rd day , and I bet I can get use to it sooner or later.
Homesick? Nope, not really that I noticed yet. But when I'm Skyping with my family, they showed me my dogs, my baby Sky ♥ , I just cried all of a sudden. Don't compliment, I know its not fair to my parents or brothers, hahaha... well, I guess that's most probably what I'll do.
I'm always keeping the smile on my face in front of my parents and my brothers, that's the only way to not let them worried about me so much. I know I can't say things like nothing will happen here, or like you guys are just worrying to much. No that's what bitches do , but I'm a bitch with kindness and brains, so yeah. LOL (I did not just said that , WTF xD)
Anyways, I can cook my own, I can handle myself so far, the only problem is, mixing around with the locals here. Like my flat-mate.
Her name is Amreen, she's going to be studying Fashion Design, and she's kinda like a mix ( According to her) , and I'm not going into detailed to that, I'll just skip/ She's only 18, and she goes out every night. Yes, EVERY NIGHT. Where did she go ? Partying of course, going out to other rooms, going down to bars and puds nearby, hanging out with people there. I was like, Are you sure you know what you're up against with? She said " Yeah ! I'm in Bristol ! Gotta keep the party up ! " So what can I say more? its not my business that I know. She came back late nights, I do not even know when or what is the specific time to be precise, and she woke up like 12-1pm every morning UK time.
It's fine, I told her. Because she thought she was bothering me . She was going in and out of the hostel and making door noises. I'm an easy going person, so no big deal. I don't mind really, in fact, I kinda liked it too, I'm having more of my privacy time :)
Weather in UK is okay so far, sometimes its blowing cooling wind, and sometimes it's just cool air, and plus now its sorta like the raining season.
To be honest, I love to join the parties they're having every day, every night. But I'm alone and my confident level is like nearly to 0%. I don't want to get any racist look or awkward eye sights from others, I mean I know how it works to communicate with people but, I'm just not the too out going type. I'm actually kinda shy , lol . I'll only feel comfortable with places where people couldn't see me, that way, I can reveal what's really kicking inside of me.
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Alright, let's see how it's going in the love story of mine ♥
It's already been 2 months since we dated, 3 more days then it's our 3rd month. I can't really believe its already been 3 months. I thought it wont last for 2 weeks at first. xD
He's treating me really nice, and no doubt I can really feel his love. I don't really know what or how, but just, it's like he's trying to convince me into trusting him a little more, be a little more reliable on him than I was before, he's trying to get everything out of me I can say.
But still, its an online relationship, and I myself know, that online relationships, aren't really meant to be beautiful at the end.
Maybe he's the special for me that I can never deny about it. I don't trust him, but I trust his love for me. One bad thing about him is that, he wouldn't expose or express more of himself to me, and I don't really know why. I'm opening up more and more to you, but it's really dissapointed and said to know that I'm not the person you want to share yourself with.
Why ?
He's always asking me why every time I asked him something. Does that mean he don't trust me ?
If he trusted me, he shouldn't have ask me more about what I want to know, right ?
I know he's not revealing himself to me, but I kinda feel like he's trying to, just one at a time.
And seriously, he treat this relationship so preciously , that I didn't even have the intention to be mad at him about everything.
Why can't he want me more? If he really wants me to be part of his life, why wouldn't he show me his effort and convince me more ? It's not like I'll fall for another person. I may flirt a lot but flirting and falling in love is a hell two different kind of things we're talking about.
I know I liked him a lot, more than I could even imagine. If one day he let me know everything of this happening right now is a fake, I swear I'll hate him for the rest of my life and I can never trust anyone in love again. I may look strong, but deep down I'm still a girl with a soft heart, which can be easily break.
I'm scared. I don't know whether to really trust him? or just let time play our role? I'm not confident about myself, am I worth loving to him ? Do I deserve everything he said to me ? Can I trust him this time?
Thank you for letting him into my life, I have never felt this great before until I met him. He's not perfect, but I have a feeling that he'll be perfect for me.
Don't give up Ven :D Tell me he's worth it ♥
This time, I'm in United Kingdom (UK) :)
Pursuing my next level of education, taking up the next level of challenge in life . I couldn't be more blessed and grateful to be actually sitting right here in my hostel room, blogging like this.
We're talking about UK, the currency rate is like, 5.2%. We all know, how much that cost us, and I'm hell lucky to have this chance, to be here right now.
So, everything over here is fine so far, its just the 3rd day , and I bet I can get use to it sooner or later.
Homesick? Nope, not really that I noticed yet. But when I'm Skyping with my family, they showed me my dogs, my baby Sky ♥ , I just cried all of a sudden. Don't compliment, I know its not fair to my parents or brothers, hahaha... well, I guess that's most probably what I'll do.
I'm always keeping the smile on my face in front of my parents and my brothers, that's the only way to not let them worried about me so much. I know I can't say things like nothing will happen here, or like you guys are just worrying to much. No that's what bitches do , but I'm a bitch with kindness and brains, so yeah. LOL (I did not just said that , WTF xD)
Anyways, I can cook my own, I can handle myself so far, the only problem is, mixing around with the locals here. Like my flat-mate.
Her name is Amreen, she's going to be studying Fashion Design, and she's kinda like a mix ( According to her) , and I'm not going into detailed to that, I'll just skip/ She's only 18, and she goes out every night. Yes, EVERY NIGHT. Where did she go ? Partying of course, going out to other rooms, going down to bars and puds nearby, hanging out with people there. I was like, Are you sure you know what you're up against with? She said " Yeah ! I'm in Bristol ! Gotta keep the party up ! " So what can I say more? its not my business that I know. She came back late nights, I do not even know when or what is the specific time to be precise, and she woke up like 12-1pm every morning UK time.
It's fine, I told her. Because she thought she was bothering me . She was going in and out of the hostel and making door noises. I'm an easy going person, so no big deal. I don't mind really, in fact, I kinda liked it too, I'm having more of my privacy time :)
Weather in UK is okay so far, sometimes its blowing cooling wind, and sometimes it's just cool air, and plus now its sorta like the raining season.
To be honest, I love to join the parties they're having every day, every night. But I'm alone and my confident level is like nearly to 0%. I don't want to get any racist look or awkward eye sights from others, I mean I know how it works to communicate with people but, I'm just not the too out going type. I'm actually kinda shy , lol . I'll only feel comfortable with places where people couldn't see me, that way, I can reveal what's really kicking inside of me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alright, let's see how it's going in the love story of mine ♥
It's already been 2 months since we dated, 3 more days then it's our 3rd month. I can't really believe its already been 3 months. I thought it wont last for 2 weeks at first. xD
He's treating me really nice, and no doubt I can really feel his love. I don't really know what or how, but just, it's like he's trying to convince me into trusting him a little more, be a little more reliable on him than I was before, he's trying to get everything out of me I can say.
But still, its an online relationship, and I myself know, that online relationships, aren't really meant to be beautiful at the end.
Maybe he's the special for me that I can never deny about it. I don't trust him, but I trust his love for me. One bad thing about him is that, he wouldn't expose or express more of himself to me, and I don't really know why. I'm opening up more and more to you, but it's really dissapointed and said to know that I'm not the person you want to share yourself with.
Why ?
He's always asking me why every time I asked him something. Does that mean he don't trust me ?
If he trusted me, he shouldn't have ask me more about what I want to know, right ?
I know he's not revealing himself to me, but I kinda feel like he's trying to, just one at a time.
And seriously, he treat this relationship so preciously , that I didn't even have the intention to be mad at him about everything.
Why can't he want me more? If he really wants me to be part of his life, why wouldn't he show me his effort and convince me more ? It's not like I'll fall for another person. I may flirt a lot but flirting and falling in love is a hell two different kind of things we're talking about.
I know I liked him a lot, more than I could even imagine. If one day he let me know everything of this happening right now is a fake, I swear I'll hate him for the rest of my life and I can never trust anyone in love again. I may look strong, but deep down I'm still a girl with a soft heart, which can be easily break.
I'm scared. I don't know whether to really trust him? or just let time play our role? I'm not confident about myself, am I worth loving to him ? Do I deserve everything he said to me ? Can I trust him this time?
Thank you for letting him into my life, I have never felt this great before until I met him. He's not perfect, but I have a feeling that he'll be perfect for me.
Don't give up Ven :D Tell me he's worth it ♥
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