What's wrong with me?

Something's been up lately, mood swings, ups and downs.
I dont want to talk about it to anyone else , but keeping it all in isnt going to help me any good.
The internet is the only option for me to be presumptuous now.

If you ask me, what's on my mind, I think it would probably be the problem of my RELATIONSHIP(S) stories/drama/experience.
Or whatever shit that's suitable enough to describe that.

I have this feeling, it seems like all the passed crushes I've ever liked, are somehow being snatched away slowly. I wonder if it's my problem? Am I being too OKAY with everything?

If I really do mind or care about it, should I voice out my concerns? Or is it even my right to talk about it at all?

Each time, I heard stories about my passed crushes, it bothers me.
Its not that I still care about them nor do I still like them, it's just, the first line that came up to my head is :

You know my histories with that person and you know I used to like him/her , so why on earth do you want to go after them if you know I have been hurt by them before?

"I talked about them infront of you, you seemed okay, so I thought you didnt care/don't mind."
"If you really do mind then why didnt you just tell me ???"
"For fuck sake , I told you to tell me straight if you're unhappy with anything !!"
"Why are you being such a drama queen about this, its not like he/she was ever yours."
"So , are you trying to blame me for chasing after him/her? I thought we were friends."
" Eh please la! He/She is the one who came after me! Its not me going after them okay!!"
"Its him/her la !! I only layan him/her because he/she's a friend of yours."
" What the fuck are you getting jealous about now?!"
"........"
"....."
"..."


All these endless compliments are constantly running through my mind everytime when I'm hesitating if I should say "ACTUALLY, I DO MIND."

Its not even about jealousy or being possessive over someone I used to like.
Its just,

Whenever I recall my memories with that person , it aches.
So, why would you ever think about going after someone who actually hurt your best friend?

Maybe Im over reacting, it's not really a big deal afterall, because to me, I'd rather be more concern about my best friend's feelings than my ex-crushes feelings and myself.

"Ohh...... I know what to do now, as long as next time I dont ever mention about his/her story when you're around then can loh."

Then let me ask you, what are best friends for if you have to avoid certain topics in front of each other?
They are more important than any other crush I ever had, what and how they think of me ,matters.

对着什么样的朋友 谁是神谁是鬼、我都知道。
谁是真心对待 谁是表面上的关心、谁只是在敷衍应酬、我也知道。
如果真心付出了却得不到同等的对待、自己心知有数、我不会浪费时间去跟对方得个明白。我只能说、原来对他来说 我们的友谊只到这种程度。

我选择去相信对我重要的人、就算明知道他们的缺点还是会继续爱他们。


In the end, let's just conclude it like this :

I, OVERTHINK, OVER-REACTED.
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Oh c'mon, cant I rant whenever I feel like it?